Divorce attorneys get loads of bad rap because usually there is a winner and a loser in each race… so they think. Invariably someone walks away more injured than his or her opposition. And in the case of domestic violence divorce, one can walk away more compromised in court than the injury endured in their former domestic abuse home.
People (especially women) who are abused by their domestic partners look to the legal system for remedy. They seek safety for their children and for themselves… and they expect family court to dispense this so-called “security.”
So they march over to the divorce attorney of their choosing and assume that when their dollar (thousands of dollars) is on the table, they have engaged someone to campaign for their cause.
It may take months (or years) for many of these litigants to realize that safety is not part of the program. In fact, to the contrary… Their pending or actual litigation with their former abusive partner can dig them deeply into endangerment, especially when their expectations do not match their reality.
The Empty Tin and the Absence of Safety Remedy
I liken it to a recent buying experience I encountered online. I had a problem with minor scratches on my wood floor and heard of a product from a hardware store called “Tibetan Almond Stick.” I was told it was a wax-like substance that filled in scratches… making them not visible. When introduced to me, it appeared as a possible fix to the floor scratches. So I searched for the product online, and low and behold found several options for obtaining it.
I selected a particular online seller because he had such nice pictures of the product. Mind you, all along I’ve convinced myself that I’m purchasing an easy and inexpensive “solution” to my wood floor problem.
The next week I received the floor “remedy” and opened the box to discover that I got an empty tin. You heard me. It was the product I wanted, but only the tin container was delivered. Initially, I thought this could be an error and then it occurred to me that it could be a “joke.”
After some back and forth with the seller and the payment processing channel, I learn that this seller was selling empty tins. This was a legitimate business transaction from his point of view.
To me it’s no different than the divorce attorney who says, “This is our business.”
Safety was never part of the purchase, nor the promise. [The Tibetan Almond Stick was not part of the tin purchase.] All actions done-irrespective of the consequences to you and your children-are “legal.” This is the nature of the divorce industry. The commodity sold is legal warfare, not safety and the interruption of spousal abuse and family violence.
If you are on your way to divorce court, take a hard and fast look at your expectations. Seek to clarify for yourself what you can expect from counsel before and during your proceedings. Do all you can to keep your expectations commensurate with the realities of your legal proceedings. Doing so will insure that you seek from each person what they realistically provide in your quest for safety, peace and freedom from domestic abuse.